Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Finding Reality - Step By Step

You’ve heard all these words before. Suck it up. Put on your big girl panties. Just deal with it.

None of it worked. You crashed. Not quite burned, but a definite crash.

Those of us who love you wonder if this is the time when you realize you’re at the bottom, and the only way out is to pull YOURSELF up.

I don’t think so.

You’re so used to being rescued. You’re so used to being cute and loveable on the outside while ripping yourself to shreds on the inside. Then, in a drunken stupor the shredded part comes out and shreds those who love you.

I’m going to share what finally worked for me. I want this to be the impetus to bring you to the reality that no one can fix you, and you have to fix yourself. Are my words going to work for you now? No, I don’t actually think so. But, maybe I’ll plant a seed that can grow in your darkness, and when you’re ready, you’ll see it.

First, you’ve got to stop dwelling on the past, on the why, and on your perceived guilt for not being perfect. Honey, you can’t change the past, no one knows why stuff happens, and none of us are perfect. I know, it sounds so simple, and I understand that you don’t believe me right now. We all make mistakes. We don’t blame you for being imperfect. It’s ok that you don’t believe me. Just save the thought for later.

Second, accept where you are. You’re getting divorced. You’re a young mother who is about to lose her son because you are a lousy parent. Your child is practically out of control at age five. You’re an alcoholic. You have no job and no real home. You are destroying the most recent relationship. You’ve tried blaming everyone else, but you have done this to yourself. Accept that. Harsh? Yessum. But face it. It’s true. Accepting the reality of that is essential in order to go to the next step.

Third, decide what to do now and where to go. My suggestion is a rehab facility. You’ve burned all your bridges with family and friends, so that’s really your only option. Not what you want to hear, I know. But making the decision to commit to treatment would be proof that you want to get better.

Fourth, get direction. Make a plan. Have a goal. You can’t even imagine a productive life right now, and I don’t expect you to. The steps prior to this one will enable you to accomplish this one. You'll find the right person or organization to help you when the time comes.

Fifth, Don’t Stop. Go back to step one as many times as necessary and work your way through them again and again. Expect stumbles on your journey, but keep going. Expect disappointments. Expect people to misunderstand you. Expect to cry. Expect to be angry. Expect joy in accomplishments. Expect to survive, to pick yourself up, and to become the smart and beautiful woman we know you can be.

With love,

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