Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Going around the brick wall

I beat myself against a brick wall for months. Over and Over and Over. My focus on the wall was so intense that awareness of even the POSSIBILITY of light on the other side was lost. Depression and anxiety narrowed my focus until only the bricks and mortar remained.

Depression lies and builds that wall around the sufferer. It whispers of hopelessness and fear. No words from loved ones or friends could convince me of the existence of a future beyond that wall.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Head against wall. Arms against wall. Heart against wall.

Then, a pause….

…..instead of beating my head against the bricks, I leaned against them.

Some thought of a future without pain…..

…..instead of leaning against the bricks, I stood upright.

A comment that slipped past the fear…..

…..instead of standing still, I turned to the side.

The slow development of a thought process that said, “Look THIS way instead….”

….and I saw light twinkling around the edge of the wall.

Hope enabled my feet to take slow and careful steps toward the light.

Positive thoughts enabled my arms to reach for help.

Love enabled my heart to heal.

I feel the presence of the wall behind me, and I guard myself against looking back at it over my shoulder. My way is ahead.